Cross Cultural Dating

Deciding to date someone who is not from your culture takes courage, but also needs caution. Here are some practical tips on how to successfully date outside of your culture and race.

1. Make sure you study your date's culture. Be aware of its history in general terms. If conversation turns to history and racial background, you do not want to come across as a ignorant or uncaring person.

2. Invite conversation around families and lifestyle. You will learn about your date's background, customs etc.

3. Do not be condescending.

4. Be curious, but elegantly so. Asking someone from Turkey if they feel sorry for the genocide against Armenia is not only insensitive but makes you look like a cad. Stick to history, geography, people, festivals and major customs. Conversely, be aware of your own culture's main points.

5. Learn about your own background and culture. You will be surprised how curious folks are about them.

6. Observe decorum required by your date's culture. This does not mean you need to dress like them - e.g. women from certain sects of Islam cover their hair. But you need to be sensitive to their decorum and style. There are certain fundamental "don't" of behavior that exist in every culture. Study them, or talk to someone who is familiar with your date's culture to make sure you avoid those behaviors or topics.

7. I have seen some people try to emulate other languages. They may be trying to be friendly, or smart. Either way, while speaking in other tongues is a personal choice, I would follow a general rule to avoid it, except to greet someone in their language. Most people are pleased to be greeted in their native language.

8. Most cultures have dietary restrictions. When inviting your date, be sure you are aware of these.

9. Now here is a controversial point and I leave it to you to follow or not follow it. I would not date someone who is very sensitive about religion and rituals. In other words, avoid dating orthodox individuals. You can find this out by asking some general questions. A usual give-away is diet and dress. If you suspect that your date is very strict about both, avoid him/her unless of course you yourself are orthodox. Even in that case, you may run into a clash, if not with your date, with his friends and family.

10. Last but not least, be cautious about involving families on either side till you have a thorough understanding of your date's cultural standing and value system. By that I mean, in addition to orthodox practices, is there a bias against your religion or culture? Keep the dating casual until you are both very comfortable in the cross culture companionship.

Good luck.